When Mr. Ruben Studdard sung us out last night after an eventful battle between Giggles and David Cook, it was hard not to get wistful about the close of this august season. I was already filled with a void now that Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo have split and then Ruben had to make me cry with his emotional performance. However, tonight's finale should prove to be spectacular as usual. How couldn't it be since it is rumored that the virginal Jonas Brothers will be performing?
Ruben, of course, rocked the house last night and highlighted to us that after this season, Idol as we know it may never be the same. After seven seasons of filling our hearts and hearths with the joy of song, sweet yesterday's and better tomorrow's, we can only imagine what may come next? With Clive Davis' termination as a record executive, it will be virtually impossible to make the show more hip. Perhaps, Andrew Lloyd Webber's return might hint that he will play a bigger role next year. After all, the man who created Cats and Starlight Express brings new meaning to contemporary entertainment.
When Idol closes tonight, what will we do to fill our evenings with reality television? The Hills had its finale last week as did America's Top Model and Keeping Up with the Kardashian's. What do we have to look forward too? Living Lohan? Denise Richard's reality show? The void will be ever so great and profound.
Ruben's performance of Celebrate My Home was a quintessential moment in Idol history. Some have complained that they missed Daniel Powter's Bad Day, which was effectively used in Season 4, but I'll take the Velvet Teddy Bear any day. He is an Idol of grandeur (and I do mean grandeur). Thus, we should not only celebrate home in Ruben's honor, we should also celebrate the joys of obesity. Grab that cheesecake, mow down those brownies and ravage that meatloaf with more breadcrumbs than ground chuck.
One of the luminaries of the obese suffered a tragic blow this weekend and yesterday it was revealed that Senator Edward Kennedy has a malignant brain tumor. His chances of survival are limited and he may soon find his special place in hell where he belongs. But who knows if this is not just another political stunt? Perhaps, Fat Ted took a page out of Elizabeth Edwards' book and decided to make-up the diagnosis as a means to curry favor with voters on behalf of the Schwarze Kennedy. On the other hand, assuming Ted is telling the truth, I have something shocking to say.
Even though Ted is a drunk murderer who was an accomplice to rape committed by his nephew, William Kennedy Smith, we should not wish him this kind of deadly medical condition. That would just be bad karma, which is the last thing I would want. After all, without Ted around, what beached Left-wing whale will we have to laugh at? What was that slut Mary Jo doing with a married man any how?
Who could hate and wish death upon a man who left a young woman carrying his child to drown at the bottom of a lake after he ran off and tried to get one of his aids to take the blame? At least he didn't send her off to get an abortion in defiance of his Catholic faith. Indeed, Ted's whole life is a paragon of Catholic values. He cheated on his wife and left her humiliated and broken after he dumped her. He got thrown out of Harvard for cheating on his Spanish exam and abused alcohol. How many commandments didn't he break?
Fat Ted who will soon even be more brain dead at least had the opportunity to throw his considerable weight behind the Schwarze Kennedy who has been brutalized by Big Momma Clinton and her hapless husband whose heart may soon explode. But by virtue of the crowds that Obama seems to attract, he probably didn't need Ted's help In Oregon over the weekend, Senator Oreo's messianic appeal was more than evident when close to 80,000 people showed up to hear him speak. Any student of history should beware of charismatic leaders offering the promise of the Nanny State. This man is a false prophet who has surrounded himself with scavengers and hate-mongers like Reverend Wright? His appeal to the masses reminds me more and more of prewar Germany. Thus, for now on, we shall refer to him as the Schwarze Fuhrer, instead of the Schwarze Kennedy.
As for his sweet little Ava Braun who is finally proud to be an American, she should be attacked and scrutinized. What's the Schwarze Fuhrer going to do those who question his affiliation with a woman he claims has been unfairly portrayed with distorted "snippets?" Wasn't that the same defense he set forth about Reverend Wright, until we found out that his snippets were an accurate portrayal of his radical left-wing views? I would say more, but I may end up with a green, white and red star on my arm since I happen to be a garlic nosed Italian. Why doesn't he leave us alone and spend more time appeasing the terrorist regimes that still deny the Holocaust occurred? The Left has always appeased our enemies since they are in concert with them when it comes to destroying this Shining City on the Hill. Thus, the Schwarze Fuhrer's righteous indignation about Bush's comments last week ring hollow. What a narcissistic fool? The world doesn't revolve around him and for that, we are far better off.
But the world does revolve around this competition and the promise it still holds. However, what the hell was all that boxing stuff last night? Come on now. Ramiele, the Mail Order Bride, could knock the crap out of Giggles, let alone our paunch-bellied Mr. Cook. When I saw those two on stage, that last thing that came to mind was Mike Tyson and the hateful and dirty fighter, Mohamed Ali. Both Davids' are gentle and well-behaved. They represent the best of good sportsmanship as indicated by the dignity and grace they have displayed throughout this competition. They are not brain-damaged anti-American thugs who cheapened the sport of boxing like Cassius Clay, another fake Left-wing hero like the Schwarze Fuhrer.
Giggles won the coin toss and David started off the show. They both sang three songs, one chosen by Clive Davis, one lame-ass song competition selection and then their own choice. Simon declared Giggles the victor of all rounds, but I wonder if that was a ploy. Perhaps, he figured that he would lull Giggle's fans into a false sense of security, while stirring David C's fan base into a fierce urgency of now. I must have voted several hundred times. I so want to see Stage Dad, Jeff Archuletta, blow a gasket if Cook pulls this off. In the end, David C. should win this competition and I wouldn't be surprised if he did, even though the judges seemed to pimp Giggles like a bad hangover.
David sang I Still Have Not Found What I'm Looking For, Big Dreams and the World I Know. His overall rating for the night was 23.5/30. I found his rendition of I Still Have Not Found What I'm Looking For acceptable, but he didn't change it up or add a new twist to it. He played it safe and that hurt him in the first round. However, he did a better job on a totally rotten song in the second round. By the way, when are they going to get rid of this song writing competition? Big Dreams!! How original. Poor David did the best with it, but then blew it out of the house with his final performance of the World I Know.
Unlike Simon, I appreciated David's powerful and emotional performance. He brought the house down and didn't choose something he did before, unlike Giggles. He cried at the end as did America and that may have cinched this competition for him, despite what conventional wisdom may dictate. He could be the John McNasty of this competition up against the Schwarze Fuhrer. However, it is Giggles stage father who seems more like the fascist dictator who crushes hopes and dreams with his ambitions.
Giggles last night was putting all he had on the table and at times, he seemed to over-sing, particularly his first performance, Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me. I'm sure you all recall when Clay Aiken performed this classic in the season 5 finale with Michael Sandecki. That was a classic Idol moment and David Archuletta is no Clay Aiken. How Simon could suggest that was his best performance is beyond me? However, it was good as was his second song, In the Moment.
But once again, the song was lame and a retread of A Moment Like This. How can anyonne compete with that Kelly Clarkson classic? No one in this universe and certainly not Giggles. David ended the show with a less rousing rendition of Imagine. Earlier in the season, he blew that ode to socialism out of the house, but the second time around, it was not as good. It was also a total cop out to do something he already performed. Overall, David gets a 23/30 for the night.
Simon is totally out of his mind to suggest that David C. should have redone his early rendition of Billy Jean. For someone who all season goes off about the need to be different, I can't understand where he was coming from. Furthermore, as I have said before, John Lennon and his hateful music doesn't belong in this competition that celebrates American values and traditions. Richard Nixon rightfully targeted that Lennon for deportation and so did David Chapman, except Chapman deported him to the fires where he will soon be joined by Teddy Kennedy, the last son of that family of Nazi sympathizers, bootleggers, drug addicts and cretins.
While battle rages on Idol last night, our girl Hillary was at again destroying the Schwarze Fuhrer in Kentucky with a huge 35% victory, while Senator Adolf Oreo beat her in Oregon, by much lesser margins. Hillary plans to continue, while the Left circles around the false prophet. But if I were them, I wouldn't count on a graceful exit by the self-indulgent heroine of socialized medicine and murderess of Vince Foster.
In the time we have left with Season 7, I'm sure many surprises are in store for us, as there are for the Schwarze Fuhrer. We will be hearing more as the days go on from his laundry list of affiliations with Hamas, Reverend Wright and William Ayres, the Weather Underground terrorist. We will also see a long list of stars on Idol tonight for what should be prove be an interesting and eventful finale.
Until the results,
Maniac - -out