At this time in previous years, my heart fills with longing to take on new challenges. I dare to dream the impossible. Idol has and always will offer solace to those who suffer at the hands of the evil-doers who oppress us in cubicles of broken dreams. Last night's finale had it ups and downs, but it still left me with the strong belief that America's best days are yet to come. We will not be stopped by the false prophets who offer empty promises. More importantly, we will not be silenced by the Left-wing media who have embraced the Schwarze Fuhrer with same devotion that George Michael did to that Police Officer at LAX in the Men's Room.
The Left is already starting off about how the Republicans will use fear and smear tactics to tarnish Senator Adolf Oreo. For the record, John Francois Kerry swift-boated himself when he tried to use his unpatriotic actions in Vietnam as a basis for his failed White House bid. Furthermore, it is Obama who entitled his book after a sermon delivered by Reverend Wright. It was also Obama who bought his multi-million dollar home in Chicago with the assistance of a corrupt Chicago fixer, Tony Rezko. Let's not forgot how William Ayers held a fund raiser at his home to help the Schwarze Fuhrer launch his political career. It is not racist to bring these issues up nor is it wrong to suggest that it would be irresponsible and naive to meet with the President of Iran without preconditions, as Obama has suggested on more than one occasion. Of course now, he is back-tracking, but we won't let him get away with it!
The Left has always appeased evil-doers throughout history and the result has been unmitigated failure. FDR sold out Eastern Europe to Stalin at Yalta and it wasn't until Reagan that these people were liberated. John Kennedy insisted on meeting Kruschev in 1961 in Vienna without pre-conditions and what followed was the Berlin Wall and the brink of nuclear disaster in Cuba. Jimmy Carter appeased the radical Islamics and helped foster the current regime in Iran. Now the Schwarze Fuhrer has explicitly suggested we do the same, but no one is allowed to attack him for it or "swift-boat" him. Any one who dares will be called a racist. I don't know about you, but it's time to speak now before it is too late and we all end up in re-education camps run by his finally proud to be American wife and William Ayers.
Obama is a fraud and a liar. Even his favorable press is all a canard. Over the weekend and on this blog, we all heard it said that 80,000 people showed up to hear him speak in Oregon. But they weren't there for him it turns out. It was a concert where he showed up. Like all those old-time celebrities on Idol last night, the Schwarze Fuhrer was just trying to leverage his ambitions over those who paid to hear music, not the false words of a fake post-partisan racial healer. I wonder if his supplicants in the MSM will offer a clarification. I wouldn't hold your breathe or you might up dead like Mary Jo Kopechne.
Ted Kennedy left the hospital yesterday after the "bad" news was reported and the MSM has been running tributes to him like he is the Pope. However, the last time I checked, the Pope never went down to Palm Beach for a drunken sex romp with his rapist nephew, William Kennedy Smith, and drug addicted loser of a son, Patrick. Take notice George Michael! Too much pot and wide stances in restrooms haven't done wonders for your vocals as noted by your scary appearance and putrid vocals last night on the show.
I don't know what bathroom stall they pulled him out of last night, but he was horrible and had no place in this competition. It was one thing to bring us Prince, but who needs some loser who hasn't had a hit since 1987? This competition is about today and not yesterday. He sang Praying for Time, which Carrie Underwood did a much better job on during Idol Gives back Week. The judges gave him a standing ovation, but my junior blogger and I gave him a raspberry. He gives new meaning to sucking and he ruined what could have been a fantastic medley by the Top 12 of some of his earlier hits like Faith, Father Figure and Freedom. Our hopefuls also blew it out of the house at the start of the show with a fantastic rendition of Get Ready. Jersey Nick was so excited by the white outfits he was dancing like one of the So You Think You Can Dance dancers that appeared last night
I have no doubt that David Hernandez gave George a little show to cheer him up after he sucked ass on stage last night (and probably back stage as well). His excuse was a cold, but America is not that foolish. His appearance was the biggest disappointment of the night and for that he his entitled to the Senator Larry Craig Wide Stance Award.
On the other hand, after George Michael and his ugly sunglasses stomped off the stage, Ryan Seacrest got to the moment we were all waiting for. Over 97.5 million votes were cast and David Cook ended up winning by 12 million votes in a stunning Idol shocker. America got it right once again as they have in so many seasons.
The number of votes was a record and and viewer-ship was up by 2 million from last season for the finale. Simon even apologized to David C. for his harshness the other night. After watching what we all saw in the showdown, Simon realized he was way off. David sang the Idol song, Time of My Life, and ended this season on a very high note, despite some of the missteps made with the celebrity guests on the final results show.
I feel bad for Giggles and agreed with Simon, that either one deserved to win since both are quite talented. It's too bad that Jeff Archuletta had to ruin this for Giggles, who was the favorite throughout this competition. If that animal lays one hand on David A., America will rush to his defense. With Maegan's law in place, there is no way that child abusing animal will get away with any funny business.
As I said yesterday, David Archuletta behaved well throughout this competition and worked his ass off, unlike Jason Castro. He has a strong instrument and his performance with One Republic was one of the better vocals of the night.
When he cuts a record deal, that could be the right genre for him and may save himself from becoming the next Josh Groban or even worse the Jonas Brothers.
First they inflict Miley Cyrus on us and then the Jonas Brothers. Will the Producer's ever stop with the shameless commercialism? This competition is about art, not the latest teeny bopper virgins who are probably banging cocktail waitresses three at a time. My junior blogger said after watching them perform, "I'd rather have Maroon 5 than this." At least they sounded better than Miley Cyrus and we have yet to see their families have them pose half-nude for Vanity Fair.
In the house last night, a number of celebrities were there including our favorite tranny, Terri Hatcher. Not to be outdone, Janice Dickinson was also there mouthing I Love You's to one of the underage hopefuls she probably wanted to turn into jail bait. Of course, Blake Lewis was there along with the Queen of UGLY, Fantasia, Ruben, Mr. Bo Bice and assorted Hollywood royalty. I also thought I saw Captain Kangaroo, but that was just Randy dressed in the most ridiculous jacket I have ever seen. I also was happy to see Matt Rogers, Super bowl, in Kansas City and the young Fran Dresher, Mikalah Gordon, in Salt Lake City. It is good to see that there is hope out there for those who don't make the final cut in the august competition.
As for someone who did make the cut and continues to be a country music juggernaut, I want to send a special shout out to Carrie Underwood. She looked like a hoochie momma last night and quite the star. She blew it out of the house and made it clear what this competition can do for those with imagination and drive. Her performance of Last Name was inspired. It was so good to see her back.
Jordin also performed last night and it was great to see that her vocal chords have healed. Earlier in the season, it was rumored that she may have seriously damaged her vocals, but she sounded pretty damn good last night, but she has a long way to go before she gets to Underwood status. My junior blogger, on the other hand, thought her vocals "brings the finale to the tip of the Ocean."
I also wonder how she traveled all the way from Disneyworld to Hollywood. At the beginning of the show, she pimped the new Idol ride at the Magic Kingdom, and then she appeared on stage to sing. The marvels of technology! I don't know about you, but I will be the first in the line for that Disney attraction since that is the closest I will ever get to being in this august competition. I can barely scrape together tickets for the summer tour.
At least I can still watch those commercials of the Davids imitating Tom Cruise in Risky Business. But didn't Cruise wear tight whitey's? Why was David A. in boxers instead? I guess his stage Dad had decided not to put him in kiddie porn via Billy Ray Cyrus.
They also had a Ford Commercial montage and the awarded the top 2 a Ford Hybrid. Let's hope that runs better than a Pinto since the last thing we would want is to see these two kids end up in a car accident like Lindsey Lohan or Nick Hogan.
But if they do loose control of the vehicles, I would hope they would run them right into Jack Black, Ben Stiller and Robert Downey, Jr. That skit with Gladys Knight was an insult to the Pips and a total waste of time. How dare they tarnish Midnight Train to Georgia! We can all remember when Princess P made us cry with her UGLY rendition that classic. Of course her subsequent CD following Idol barely sold 14, records, which was probably better than Carly Smithson's controversial first CD.
Speaking of that, why the hell did she and Michael Johns get a duet when they were both voted off early? Are the Producer's still insistent on pimping these two over-hyped nightmares? Their performance of the Letter was a complete and utter mess. And yet again, that hideous sleeve was blazingly displayed, causing living rooms across America to wretch.
The Outback Idol and Carly screwed many who participated in Idol pools and that can not and should not be forgiven. In the end, this is American Idol, not Irish or Australian Idol. We need to get some Americans to knock some sense into Nigel and hopefully it will be someone much younger. This show shouldn't be appealing to the aged with the likes of Donna Summer, Bryan Adams and Seal.
Furthermore, what happened to the Golden Idols? Who can forgot Rhonetta? Michael Sandecki and others who charmed us with their antics. Instead, for comedy, we get Jimmy Kimmel who was no where near as funny as his skit on Idol Gives Back Week. But he gets props for his joke about how much of a tip he should give Sanjaya who valet-parked his car. The mean Simon montage could have been better, buy why was it that Jimmy didn't even bother to mention Randy Jackson? He truly is irrelevant to this competition and I'm sure he was pissed after that since once again Simon trumped him and he didn't even have to dress up like Captain Kangaroo as Randy did.
Since Idol deprived us of the Golden Idols, I have decided to institute the Bronze Maniac to fill the void. As noted above, George Michael gets the Senator Larry Craig Wide Stance Award and here are some others:
Worst Performance by a Gap-Toothed Canadian: Who is Bryan Adams? Why does he matter? Why does he get to sing with the Top 6 males? Why didn't he ever use Clearasil? If he had, perhaps his face wouldn't look like Mischa Barton's ass in the recent pictures that were released. He sucked and is even more irrelevant than Hillary Clinton, now that she has been vanquished by the Schwarze Fuhrer.
Most Memorable Sunshine of the Night: Once again, Brooke was back and it made me so happy to see her make Graham Nash look good last night. She was wonderful, while he sucked. She made America shine with a lovely rendition of Teach the Children. I hope her the best of success and long for her new CD.
Even Worse Complexion than Bryan Adams Award: Syesha looked hot last night, but Seal looked fat. Heidi Klum must be feeding him way to much strudel and it hasn't helped his vocals or complexion. That performance of Waiting for You was way too pitchy, buy Syesha looked great.
Best Performance by a Lazy Pot Head: Jason did a great job with Hallelujah, but why didn't he try harder when it mattered? He gave up on this competition and that is unforgivable. You don't get as far as he did and then throw up your hands and say I'm too stupid to live so I'll forget the lyrics to Dylan and blow like Lewinsky when I do Bob Marley.
A Woman in Most Need of An Electric Stair Chair: Donna Summer can't even walk down stairs any more and has done more work to her face than a contractor working on a house flip. What a disaster to see the Disco Diva in need of a wheelchair! The Top 6 girls blew it out during the medley and but then she shows up as Gloria Desmond and bores us with Stomp Your Feet. She can't even walk down stairs; so why is she singing about stomping her feet? That was just sad!
A Man in Most Need of A Serious Beating: Who the hell needs Guru Pitkar? Why is he making David A. uncomfortable? No one needs to even envision the day Giggles will grow hair in "weird and wonderful places." This is a singing competition, not a vehicle to pimp some racist take on those who practice in alternative religions. That skit was lame beyond words and I shutter to thing how bad that movie will tank at the box office. Up yours Paramount and Mike Meyers!!
Men in Most Need of a Shave: ZZ Top and David Cook brought down the house with Sharp Dressed Man. Those guys look like they just crawled out of cave, but I thoroughly enjoyed the performance. At least they still sound good after all these years unlike George Michael.
As for the Freak Montage with Jared Wiley who sounded like Snow White, Alexis Cohen who seems like America's next serial killer and the the performance by Renaldo Lupoz along with the USC marching band, that was a little too stupid and I would have preferred to see Kelly Clarkson. Of course, Paula and Randy couldn't help looking foolish by joining the fun and dancing to Best Friends Forever. I can't wait to down that classic onto my Nano!
Well, that about cinches it for this season. We ended with a bit of a shocker and the finale will be talked about for generations to come since American Idol gets more relevant every year and then some.
Unlike Hillary Clinton who is mired in $19.5 million in campaign debt, this competition makes money every year, but still gives back. But like Hillary's failed campaign, this competition endures. Just yesterday our Fat Big Hipped Mint Julep announced that she is taking her fight with the Schwarze Fuhrer all the way to the Denver convention.
But if I were her, I'd be careful since the Schwarze Fuhrer might try to pull a Reichstag and burn the place down if that is what he needs to do to seize power and instill his national socialism across America while subjugating the interests of Israel to those of his Muslim friends in Iran, Syria and Jordan, let alone his affinity for Hamas.
This season may have ended, but the campaign endures as does the Maniac.
Maniac - - out