Last night, as we gathered around our TVs to catch the first of the top 12 to go, traders on Wall Street were popping champaign corks about the well deserved demise of Mr. Clean, Former Governor Eliot Spitzer. More details leaked out about Kristen, the girl he was shtooping for $4,400. She is a few years older than one of his daughters at 22 and came from a broken home at the New Jersey shore. Talk about slumming. You had to figure that New Jersey, the home of the original NJ Slut, Antonella Barba, would some how play a role in Spitzer's dirty little habit.
What a financial genius he must be! If he really wanted a Shore Whore, he could have found one for free since they're a dime a dozen in the Garden State. I guess after Silda, Eliot had lost all his wits when it came time finding low-down hos. For those more interested in Spitzer's call girl, check out Ashley Alexander Dupre's my space page (http://www.myspace.com/ninavenetta), which sadly neglects to mention that she was sexually exploited by a man who cracked down on whore houses when he was New York State Attorney General. I guess hell hath no fury than Eliot when an escort service doesn't cut a mean discount for a cheap ass sanctimonious spoiled brat who left office in disgrace and can longer serve as one of Hillary's Super-delegates. Cheer up Spitz!! You could still be Vice President since Hillary seems to have penchant for picking dirt bags as male companions.
Unfortunately, the Mafia Princess doesn't seem to be headed for another round as Vice President on a failed Presidential campaign. Geraldine Ferraro, who was only selected as Mondale's Vice President because she was a woman, suggested that Obama wouldn't be in the same position he is today if he wasn't black. What delicious irony from someone whose only claim to fame was being selected as a first female Vice President in a desperation move intended to thwart the Reagan landslide. Of course, Clinton did nothing to fire her from the campaign after such a racist remark and Gerry ultimately resigned. I guess she can get back to making a living off her husband's rental proceeds from pornographers.
This woman and her coke-dealing son is no Italian-American, despite her last name. Her blood has been cleansed of anything resembling Italian once she decided to hitch her wagon to the dregs of society, i.e., the Democrat Party. For those disgraced by this loser, we can take pride that Senator Joseph Bruno is now the Lieutenant Governor of the State of New York now that Spitz is out and will be spending his free time avoiding jail and disbarment. But hope should not lost for those wanting to see Democrats lose 49 out of the 50 states again as they did with Fritz and Tits. Now that Dr. Kevorkian is out of prison, he has decided to run for Congress in Michigan. Wouldn't it be special if he brought his special talents to Washington and eunthanized the Pelosi Congress?
America can act in mysterious ways and last night, we had a genuine Idol shocker when David Hernandez ended up in the bottom, a position I'm sure he has been in before when he worked at the "Pizza Bistro." Ryan took all night to let us know who the bottom three was and it wasn't any surprise that Syesha and Ava Braun, Kristy Lee Cook joined David. I also wondered why we had to listen to them sing again since the second time around was even worse than the first. After Ava Braun did her manic country rendition, my junior blogger remarked " She practically made it her own. She gets credit for bravery, but she gets no credit for being horrible."
Poor David. He didn't stand a chance and he has no one to thank for his untimely demise other than Eliot Spitzer who has given the sex business a dirty name with his antics. America loves a G-movie like Horton Hears a Who, even if it showcases someone as lame as Jim Carey. But getting dollars stuffed in your G-string along with other more unseemly stuffings, as well as passing that off as a job as a server in a Pizza Bistro isn't going to fly.
As for Jim Carey, he once again annoyed the hell out of America last night with his elephant ears and manic temperament. He even had the audacity to join the hopefuls on stage in an attention grabbing stunt. Why doesn't he get back to Jenny McCartney and her failed career as a C-level celebrity. Instead of dating some crazed comic fool who is one step away from a Section 8, Jenny should spend more time inflating her boobs since that is her only attribute. Those two disgust America and you'd think Fox would find more respected celebrities to star in their movies. Perhaps, Maryanne from Giligan's Island might want to make a comeback now that she has been arrested for marijuana possession.
Along with Carey, Sanjaya was in the house last night along with his sister Shamyli. With his mustache, I almost didn't recognize him until I realized it was a Dirty Sanchez, rather than actual facial hair. It's too bad he didn't join Katherine McPhee on stage since it probably would have improve her putrid rendition of Something. David Foster kicked ass when he was a mentor along with Andre Boccelli back in Season 5, but he obviously is slipping in his efforts to save Katherine's dying career.
By the way, did anyone find it ironic that Kat needs a middle-aged man to mentor her with singing? I guess she can't stay away from the in-need of Viagra crowd as noted by the fact that she married someone old enough to be her grandfather. As for the sparkly outfit, it was hiked so far up, America could almost see her business. What a unmitigated hoochie momma! My junior blogger remarked, " Now she thinks she is a prima donna. To wear an outfit like that she needs to be an A-level celebrity."
On a higher note, the show started with a fantastic medley and the song selection helped our Idols shine. However, I started feeling tremors of rage when Ryan left me with the impression that next week we would have to endure even more rubbish from the Marxist songbook of Lennon and McCartney. Why not Barry Manilow night? Even Neal Diamond!! Anything would be better than those toads from the across the pond.
McCartney is such a sadist that he used to hide the prosthetic of his peg-legged gold digging estranged wife so that she couldn't get to the bathroom. Paul, like Spitzer, must aspire to be a fire hydrant since they appear to prefer golden showers.
Idol is a family show and should not be showcasing music that inspired the Manson family to murder and kill. The overrated Beatles have Sharon Tate's blood on their hands, not to mention her baby, as a consequence of their unholy and murderous anthems. Fortunately, the medley was not besotted with a rendition of Helter Skelter, nor was the first Ford Commercial of the year, the Distance.
If I could figure how to do it, I would have put a question to the judges as to why they are going so gonzo over the dated tunes of the past. However, I must note that it was nice touch that America is free to ask questions live this season. Unfortunately, none of the
questions were that penetrating and I would have preferred the following:
1) Paula, is the reason you are wearing an aluminum foil jacket tonight is that you are getting more like those guys on the subway who think they can communicate with Mars?
2) Simon, why don't you mud wrestle Ryan on stage as requested? If David Hernandez can strut through the audience with cheesy dancing, you and Ryan should be able to express your love with a little skat play on stage?
Any other thoughts would be appreciated and far better than watching Jason Castro stumbling over a brain teaser like which judge would he want to be, not to mention the idiot who had been rejected six times in the auditions and still couldn't take no for an answer.
We live in a political age and Idol cleverly captured the recent political campaign with the Ford commercial where the hopefuls mimicked those running for office. It is too bad that this wasn't Season 5 as Mandisa's figure has an uncanny resemblance to Hillary Clinton's, while Kristy Lee Cook reminded me of a young Silda before she got a sexually transmitted disease from her skank banging ho loving sorry excuse of a human being husband.
The show ended with David Hernandez's shocking departure. At least the blow was softened by Ruben's goodbye song, which I'm sure he will sing live at some point during the season. He may weigh 500 pounds, but the Velvet teddy Bear still has a strong set of pipes.
As for David, he like Tranny Danny will surely get an invitation from the Fat Slob, Rosie O'Donnell, to appear on her cruise ship. What an honor that would be be? I'm sure it is every gay man's dream is to perform live before a group of pretend lesbians. After all, if Rosie actually had a career, she wouldn't have to make up stories up her sexuality for free publicity. What's okay for Anne Heche isn't necessarily so useful from the woman who got fired from the View for sounding stupider than Elizabeth Hassleback.
I hope I'm wrong about next week and we will not have to be subjected to the Beatles again. Regardless, I will stand by this competition the same way desperate political wives stand by their husbands so that they can rule by proxy. This week certainly provided the smut business community with some devastating blows with the demise of Eliot and David H. Who knows what America has in store for us next week? The possibilities are as exciting as the promise of this proud but humble nation.
Until next week,
Maniac - - out
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