On Idol, saying goodbye can sometimes provide America with the joyous release that often accompanies the dislodgement of an impacted bowel movement. But last night, the emotional and early demise of some hopefuls left me with a hole in my heart. Perhaps that had something to do with the fact that I didn't get to watch the show live and it was 12am before I started to Tivo through it. Better yet, it might have something to do with the fact that I can see this competition is in its final days. Although 31 million votes were cast and the show continues to dominate the ratings, many regulars from prior seasons say they just can't get into to it anymore. My junior blogger even said she is getting bored.
Idle hands are the devils workshop and America needs to turn away from the dark side that has infiltrated our hopes and dreams. The U.S. dollar is at an all-time low, oil has exceeded $100 a barrel and the stock market remains on shaky ground. But, all we hear from the radical Left and their friends in the media is that we need to renegotiate trade deals in order to protect their friends in organized crime, otherwise referred to as unions. Better yet, let's raise taxes to astronomical levels and make sure every American has universal access to everything remotely possible including toilet seats, olive oil, condoms and crayola crayons.
After all, don't you realize that close 45 million Americans don't have access to drawing utensils. Also, don't forgot to mandate how we should live and force politically correct values down the throats of our children by means of a morally distorted educational system that has polluted and corrupted young minds with a sex-infused, secular curriculum that fosters readings of hack poetesses like Maya Angelou and discards the classics like Shakespeare and other pillars of Western Civilization. Finally, the U.S. Constitution and those who enacted should be viewed as racist patriarchs who stole America from the Indians. If that were true, there would be no Mohegan Sun or Foxwoods, let alone ample liquor supplies on the reservations.
Fortunately, the purity of Idol can't be soiled by these harridans of misfortune and gloom, as evidenced by the truly spectacular medley that was performed last night. The montage of 70's songs showcased some outstanding performances including Outback Idol, Michael Johns, who started off the performance with some strong vocals, despite his Wonderbread-like personality. Sleeve, Carly, was also great as was Giggles (David A.) and David H. However, David H. dances way too much every time he gets the chance. Doesn't he realize that the stage in Hollywood is not a gay strip club where he launched his career?
As for Amanda, she stank once again. I wonder if she has hit the bottle again after her weak performance the other night. After all, I'm sure America has already gotten a glimpse of her mug shot on TMZ.com after she was arrested for DUI. America isn't going to take kindly to that and she better come clean about it. As everyone knows, America will forgive her for such sins, but only after a confessional. I'm sure no one can forget how America embraced Mr. Bo Bice after his cocaine possession was exposed.
After the medley, Ryan got to the results and had the back row of the boys stand and it became more than clear that Streak was out, while the Jessica Alba body double was given another chance to annoy us with his putrid vocals, flattened bangs and hysterical crying. Poor Streak had a good voice and was a single father, but America just didn't dig it. At least he has some consolation from Simon who merely told him that he was boring, as opposed to Colten last week who was told to find a good job since he would have no singing career.
I have to admit I got a little choked up as Jason Yaeger sang us out. Perhaps, if he was more flamboyantly light in the loafer via Danny Noreiga, America would have embraced him. Instead, he got kind words and a hug from Paula who once again seemed drunk last night with her indecipherable babble and spastic hand movements.
After the commercial break, a somber Seacrest appeared on stage and asked the stage hands to dim the lights as the next hopeful reject is revealed. It was well deserved and no surprise that Trans-America was cast to the wind. She wore cargo shorts on stage during her performance and on results night wore a black bandanna with peace signs and expected that America would put up with that. This is American Idol; not some Gloria Hole or the Meow Mix Bar. She sung us out as well and sucked even worse if that was at all possible. But it was too much for Giggles who cried hysterically and hugged her. That was touching, but what was he so sad about? He whipped all their asses this week and he can find some other hopeful to tutor him on taking on manly traits. Amanda probably has time on her hands.
After TransAmerica, Seacrest turned to the girls again and called Kady Malloy and Alaina Whitaker to center stage. I had a bad feeling about it at that point, but still felt robbed when Gappy was chosen over Kady as the next to go. What an Idol shocker!! But with all the wealth created in America over the last 30 years as a consequence of the triumphant economic policies of Ronald Reagan, can't her parents afford a dentist? America hates open spaces, which is why that housing developments were built all over the country.
Alaina was so devastated by the loss that she turned away from America and said she just couldn't sing. Ryan gently gave her time to breathe and Paula babbled on, trying to comfort her. Simon had declared her the dark horse the night before, but said nothing and made another half-moose gesture at Seacrest. Frankly, I wanted to slap that bitch across the face and tell her to stop acting like a baby. You come to a competition like this and get a chance to sing before millions and try to cry your way out of it. America hates a crying game; just ask Hillary whose Presidential campaign has gone up in smoke you wouldn't inhale like her lying, sleazy scumbag, racist, rapist, impeached, disbarred. pardon pimping, furniture stealing loser of a husband.
After that, the waterworks exploded and Danny almost caused a flood worse than Katrina. It's too bad it was not enough to dislodge some poor people from their ghettos created by the Leftist elites and provide them with a better life at the Houston Coliseum as noted by Barbara Bush. Alaina finally got it together and actually sounded better than the night before. It's too bad, but that is the way the cookie crumbles.
The most joyous note for me last night besides the medley was the well deserved disbursement of wig boy. Week after week, the judges warned him he was inauthentic, but he still persisted with the fake rocker routine. To add insult to injury, he even wore a wig during his performance. So much for him and America made the right choice.
That will be the last time we'll have to see his ugly do-rags and bad attitude. No one appreciates some one so dense that he thinks he can deceive America into believing such an outrageous fraud as his rocker routine. After Milly Vanilli, America won't be fooled again. So Robbie Carrico can drag race his way to Vegas and join all the other impersonators. Old ladies with troll dolls at the slots and all you can eat buffets may be more amenable to his noxious charms than the suave and sophisticated American Idol audience.
Next week, the Top 16 will sing for us and the Top 12 will finally be revealed. At this point, Giggles is the odds on favorite, but anything can happen in this competition. Who would have thought that Idol would finally get the rights from the Lennon-McCartney song book? I guess the gloved pedophile who walks around pre-schools with his nose in his pocket and adorned in sparkles needs the cash now that the Neverland ranch is being foreclosed upon. Let's hope the Producers don't plan to move Idol Camp to that den of iniquity.
On the other hand, I can't wait to hear Ruben's new song on March 11 when the Top 12 perform, not to mention another Idol Gives Back Week on April 9th. But who really cares about Brad Pitt being there? I found it far more exciting that Carrie Underwood is returning along with Daughtry, not to mention Miley Cyrus and Mimi. As for Pitt, why doesn't he stick to collecting an entourage of children from foreign countries while his lovely mate sticks her tongue down her brother's throat. Those two are so overplayed along with all these other Hollywood assholes who pluck babies from the wombs of Third World mothers so that they can prove how wonderfully beneficent they are. These self-indulgent scum have no place in this competition and I hope that when they are sashaying around Africa buying children like Ferrangamo shoes and gas guzzling limousines that someone sticks them with an infected needle.
Idol, unlike these fools, once again will put money behind its words and help the less unfortunate without the assistance of a morally depraved federal government that has created the conditions in our inner cities so that the Party of the Left can have a permanent constituency of losers that they can ply with food stamps and subsidies along with vacations at the nearest prison.
Until next week,
Maniac - - out