In the place where you can get plastic surgery through a drive-thru window and a spray tan at every corner, I would expect more than we got tonight. Los Angeles is the home of many great and talented artists like Sean Penn who has perfected his craft by playing one schmuck after the next and received accolades in exchange. Since when is playing yourself acting? As for the auditions, it was singularly the most disastrous night for loyal viewers since the day Laverne and Shirley was canceled.
What an absolute insult to L.A. native McPheever who struggled with bulimia, but looks like Jennifer Beals of Flashdance on the cover of her new smash CD, which was released today. To think that Kat has battled triumphantly to maintain her figure nicely while the morbidly obese have now targeted fashion models for being too thin. How many people die each year for being svelte compared to being overweight swine like Rosie O'Donnell.
Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins, and those who can't make the grade should be the ones targeted for unemployment due to the unhealthy image they present to America's youth. So unless Rosie loses a few tons, she should be off the View. Otherwise, the fatties better shut up about pretty models.
As for the pretend lesbian Rosie, I do want to commend her for adding some vigor to the View and keeping the ratings up so that Baba is saved from the retirement home as her strong opinions have added needed depth to the show. At least Rosie says what she thinks and acts on it, unlike the cowardly Democrats who have constantly called Bush a criminal in need of impeachment, yet fail to act now that they are in control of Congress. At least Newt Gingrich was willing to put all his cards on the table and go after the corrupt Clinton's. The Pelosi Left would rather windsurf in Nantucket or condemn America on foreign soil instead of exercising their constitutional duties. America deserves impeachment hearings so that we can get to the bottom of all these allegations once and for all!
As for Idol, 40 hopefuls were given a golden ticket last night, but only three were shown, two of which were utterly mediocre. Alaina Alexander was attractive no doubt, but her Feeling Good made me feel like the judges had just dropped acid when they voted her through. "Really really really great," according to Simon? What a cruel joke to string her along further when she would have been better off back in school. Singing for her is about as suitable as the Presidency was for some simpering spoiled snot like John Kerry who recently declared that he was not going to run again. I guess his high-powered education is finally paying off.
Another lucky contender was a Hollywood cast-off from last season, Brian Miller, who truly was "forgettable" as Simon suggested. Change is Going to Come. Not enough for him after one year. On the other hand, Brandon Rogers, the background singer for Christina and Anastasia, was quite good in his rendition of Always on My Mind. But why did it take a half-hour before he even appeared and no one of any consequence followed, except for a heart wrenching story that saved this show.
Whoever accused this show of meanness should eat their words and in Rosie's case, I'm sure she'll oblige along with devouring 12 pounds of bacon, scores of Dunkin Munchkins and a few school girls. Indeed, I refer to 64 year-old Sherman who organized a petition drive to get an audience before the judges so that his wife, who was in the Hospital ravaged with cancer, could hold on to that hope that this show offers all of us. I cried along with Paula as he performed two days after his spouse's death and frankly, he was a lot better than most of the others. A shout out to Sherman!
Besides the emotional crescendo of Sherman, the rest was a big rip-off like the promise that the Compton Couple represented. With lips locked, Covette Carr and Darold Gray were truly comic. Covette licked her chops to entice Simon and Darold, full of confidence, showed no jealously. After all, with bling-laden teeth like that, he had nothing to worry about.
Another moment was Martik Manoukian who strutted the stage like a tiger on speed bare-chested disturbing the judges, particularly Guest Judge Olivia Newton John. She praised Martik's originality trying to be diplomatic, while Simon destroyed this self-proclaimed writer, actor, choreographer, and singer. After that, Olivia added nothing to the show other than a pretty face. Her confused expression throughout seem reminiscent of the way the authorities have tried to track down her missing boyfriend.
I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed the begging medley were dreadful hopefuls pleaded for a chance, which was triggered by Marianna Riccio, the daughter of one Dean Martin's gold-diggers. When she belted out Should I Stay or Should I Go, I wanted to get down on bended knee and beg her to stop, but instead she did so asking the judges for mercy. Thankfully her foxy momma dragged her away and hopefully slapped her silly the way Phuong Phang's mother did when she told her was not pretty enough for TV. If you ask me, her mother was generous in that assessment as her singing was far worse than her looks. Her version of Dancing in the Streets was simply garbage.
I will not even bother getting into Eric Mueller who used Randy's and Paula's voice training CD to prepare for the audition over a two-year period!. Let's just say he had about as much chance of going to Hollywood as Hillary Clinton has of being a successful Chief Executive.
Next week, we finish the auditions in Texas. I am quite disappointed and hoping for much better. Fox and the geniuses who created this show, please don't fail me. Am I mistaken or was L..A. as bad as I have suggested?
Maniac - - out