I admit that there has been a dearth of material coming from me lately, but I can't help it. I've fallen into a total state of despondency as my memories of Season Five drifted away. I was even beginning to miss that hideous little boil Seacrest, even though he had dropped his signature departure "out" without any explanation to those who crave consistency in this crazy and mixed up world that we live in. There is war and pestilence all around us and every time we turn on the TV there is another story of gloom and doom perpetrated by the Left who like nothing better than to wallow in the peculating juices of their venom and negativity. But in the Nassau Coliseum on July 16, 2006, a group of proud New Yorkers gathered to listen to our hopefuls once again. Oh, what an august and majestic scene it was as the parking lot outside filled with Escalades the size of tanks driven by a crazed housewives who could barely see over the steering wheel.
Inside this great hall, Old Glory was displayed proudly over the stage. Pop Tarts, the show's sponsor, did not take down that flag, but honored it, unlike the unpatriotic whores of Hollywood who take great pleasure in degrading and debasing this Shining City on the Hill I like to call America. This concert was a true American experience and in that hall, we all stood proud in front of that flag. That is why I would never suggest a boycott of Idol, but that insulting remake of Superman is another story all together. Can you believe that the reference to Truth Justice and the American Way was omitted from the film? Who directed this movie? Barbra Streisand and Oliver Stone? What other country provides boundless opportunities for those willing to strive? France, Russia, China or Cuba. I think not.
A 100 million people were slaughtered in the last century in name of Fascism and Communism on European and Asian soil, while the fields of our heartland provided us with the troops and spirit to defeat the pure evil that we have faced including the Islamofacists that the Left have tried to comfort and support, not to mention protect as indicated by recent New York Times Articles.
But I was able to forget these hateful harridans of misery when Mandisa arrived on stage for the first of many exciting performances. In person, Good & Plenty did not seem larger than life, but she did reflect the purity and innocence of this great Nation. Before doing her finale set, she dedicated her song to God and said, "if you dream it, you can achieve it." If she lived in France or Germany, Mandisa would probably say if you capitulate to evil, you will end up a has-been world power with nothing left but a few historical monuments and nice artwork. But in Long Island, USA, the story is far different. Overall, I thought Good & Plenty did a good job and liked her famous signature song, I'm Every Woman. Her second number, If I was your Woman, was dedicated to the great Ruben Studdard. She then asked the audience to put in a good word to Ruben on her behalf. The velvet Teddy Bear and Good & Plenty. That's a couple that Dairy Queen would love.
Mandisa and Ace then did a forgettable duet, which kind of annoyed me since the sight of Scarchest immediately disgusted me. I guess I don't have much in common with teenage girls in the crowd who squealed like pigs as that smarmy buffoon appeared on stage. Ace also did Father Figure, his ode to his alter ego, George Michael. In all honesty, he sounded pretty good and better than he did on TV. I say that even after he took off his coat and dropped it on the stage as if he was doing a strip tease. The hormonally challenged females loved it, but cooler heads wanted to walk up on stage and hit him over the head with a baseball bat. How dare he try to sex-up this concert in front of my sweet and pure junior blogger. Furthermore, any girl who thinks they have a chance with Ace better talk to Liza Minnelli and find out how well she survived with David Guest.
Ace also did a rock number and then from the darkness, a beautiful Lisa Tucker appeared and did Signed, Sealed and Delivered. She also played the piano and did My Song and Someone Saved My Life Tonight. If she had performed like this during the competition, she certainly would have gone further than she did. Totally impressive and poised and I will even overlook that they had too much glitter plastered all over her face.
Paris joined Lisa on stage and they did a smashing duet of Waterfalls that would have made TLC proud. They were great together and before I could catch my breathe, Paris did Midnight Train to Georgia. On stage, Paris did not seem screechy or annoying, but just UGLY. She even fanned into the audience while she rocked the hall in a truly outstanding performance. She also looked a lot thinner and shapely than she did on TV. She then took on a Beyonce song, Crazy Like That, and danced suggestively with a chair. Frankly, this girl has a real set of pipes on her and she truly deserved props for her strong performance.
Bucky, on the other hand, was a disappointment to me. I supported him throughout the competition, despite his bad teeth and white trash persona, but I could barely understand what he was singing. I guess he never took Paula's advice and learned to articulate the lyrics. Bucky sang Superstition and Drift Away. Despite his obvious charm, he only gets tepid marks from me for that performance. On the other hand, his duet with the Pickle, You're the One that I want, was pure magic. In black leather and high heals, our Pickle brought her down home charm to that Grease rendition and Bucky stood his ground. In the end, it was a nice theatrical moment for all of us who wanted the Pickle.
The Pickle rocked the house with solos of I'm the Only One, Walkin After Midnight and Something to Talk About. I was a little disappointed that she did not do another skit with Wolfgang Puck, but she charmed the grizzled New York audience any way. Her famous sense of humor was displayed when she quipped about how when she first came to Manhattan, she kept on looking for the Big Apple, but couldn't find it. The audience loved it and cackled, but I could not help but wonder how astute she is. I live in NYC and still have no idea why it's called the Big Apple. If anyone knows, let me know.
After the intermission, Chris performed and was clearly the favorite of the night, but his first number, A Whole Lotta Love, was not all that. He is no Robert Plant, but that did not stop the young Amy Fischer's in the crowd from screaming "I LOVE YOU CHRIS." I'm taking bets right now that he leaves his wife in the next two years for a younger, thinner and fresher model. He also did Wanted Dead or Alive and Renegade, which were pretty good, but I still don't know what all the fuss is about with respect to the phallic headed rocker. But when he and Elliott did a duet together, it clearly highlighted why Chris has already got a record deal and all Elliott has gotten is a lousy A.I. T-Shirt.
Elliott's solo performance were equally bad and they just blurred together in a wave of boredom that almost caused some in the audience to fall asleep. He has no stage presence and should have never been in the Top Three, particularly with talent like Paris, the Pickle, Lisa and Good & Plenty. Fortunately, I did not get a viewing of his horrible chipmunk teeth.
Before Taylor hit the stage, Ace, Elliott, Bucky and Chris did a medley which was okay, but it did not compensate for the fact that McPheever was just too good to show up. Laryngitis! I think she scorched her vocal chords from vomiting in a bulimic frenzy intended to impress her senior citizen boyfriend. How does a 23 year old end up with an unknown 40 plus unemployed actor? I wouldn't mind if she was gold digging, but it simply makes no sense. Her pissy attitude is almost as bad as the Brickmen Brothers. How dare she! Good riddance any way. The medley with the girls was just da' bomb without her.
In the end, Gray fanned through the crowds singing Jail House Rock. Mayhem ensued, but he did sound horse. But he has never ending energy and he did do some real kooky dancing, but never uttered Soul Patrol once. His rendition of Hollywood Nights was a surprise and with his style he should have brought down the house, but perhaps he's been vomiting with Katherine damaging his vocal chords. In the City was better as was Don't Let Me Down, but the Gray Butterball was not all that last night. However, he did compensate for his strained pipes when he dedicated his last number, Do I Make You Proud, to our troops fighting in the Middle East for our freedom.
This concert started with the flag and ended with even more patriotism leaving the crowd standing tall and proud to be part of this great experiment in freedom. After all, isn't that what has made Idol the greatest TV show in American History?
Maniac - - out