America sent a message to our hopefuls with these results and I hope it is sinking in. When choosing songs for this competition, you do not take on pop icons like Christina Aguilera. You do not dare take on the person who started it all in Season One. Yet, both Katherine and Lisa dared to venture into such holy territory and expected to get away with it. I think not.
That's like a politician, who spent her entire career promoting a secular agenda of social engineering and outright hostility towards people of faith, arguing that God would frown upon the immigration bill currently pending in Congress. We all know that the Big Hipped Machiavellian Opportunist wouldn't know who God was if she slept right next to him. On the other hand, I'm sure she's more than familiar with SATAN! After all her entire career has been based on one compromise after the next as long as it suited her interests, including remaining married to a man who cheated on her with the same abandon that he drove this country into the ground during his morally and intellectually bankrupt Presidency.
What's even funnier about all this is that our current Born-Again President is down in Cancun with all the college-aged Spring Breakers meeting with other leaders. I don't know about you, but I think that might be just about too much temptation for a man who swore off the devil's brew at the age of 40 as his wife held a shot gun to his head and ordered him to clean up his act. And I think Laura probably has better aim than Cheney.
As for near misses, I was ecstatic when Ace was sent to the bottom three once again as his performance was dreadful. I secretly wished during that tense commercial break for scarchest to get whacked. Unfortunately, I did not get my wish. But I took solace in knowing that Bucky was saved from this indignity and that Lisa was booted for her dreadful rendition of a Clarkson classic. Bucky has been underrated throughout this competition and I'm glad America is finally taking note of it.
By the way, why was Shakira on the show? What does she have to do with this competition? She took no part in coaching these hopefuls and shows up to pimp her latest single, Hips Don't Lie, with some guy named Wyclef. Who cares? Not only that, the performance was weak. I wondered what was so 21st century about her since she looks more like someone who practiced the oldest profession. I would have preferred a medley rather than some retro-Charo crap! And the Ford commercial with its calypso beat didn't make up for it, although it did include some convulsive dance moves by Gray. I also could not believe they allowed Ace drive the car since he looks more like someone who'd rather be driven.
I also did not appreciate Fox's lame attempt to promote their movie Ice Age, the Meltdown either. The last thing Good & Plenty needs to be doing on a sunny day is to be sitting on her bottom, munching buttered popcorn and a giant-sized bag of skittles while watching a movie. Perhaps Paula may want to introduce Mandisa to her trainer, but instead she spends her days doing interviews with the Rolling Stone where she finally acknowledged that she did have a vagina. America has many questions about Paula's antics, but one thing is for certain, even in this confusing day and age: Paula is a chick without a dick!
As for a boy without a toy, Ryan was seen on the front cover of US Magazine swapping spit with Teri Hatcher. What the hell is wrong with her? She just revealed that she was molested as a child and now she's molesting one. As for Ryan, he'll take love wherever he can get it including from some aging prom queen who revived her lackluster career with some dreary upgrade of Knots Landing.
She's almost as pathetic as the Democratic Party which today promised to capture Bin Laden as part of their election year promises. I'm glad they are finally jumping on that band wagon, but I think they might be a bit late. Who are they going to send into the wilderness to catch him? John Kerry? I guess as long as they make sure Mr. Three Fake Purple Hearts has enough Perrier, Bin Laden is dead. By the way, back in 1998, didn't President Pudge know exactly were Bin Laden was located, yet did nothing but wag his dog in Monica's mouth while orchestrating pin prick attacks that were about as effective as his moral leadership. This is truly rich. Next thing we'll be hearing is that Mr. Brittany Spears will be releasing a Hip-Hop CD. Will wonders ever cease?
Next week, we will have country week and I think that is going to test Paris, Mandisa, Elliott and Chris. Taylor will probably sail through along with the Pickle and Bucky. Katherine is really going to have to make up for lost ground and country is not her forum. As far as Ace is concerned, let him fry, but not too much since it might exacerbate that horrible injury that he exposed.
Until next week,
Maniac - - out